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Angst Day Late and Dollar Short Reviews

J.M. Torgo’s Highly Plausible Future Spoilers for The Mandalorian Season 2

With the second season of The Mandalorian on the horizon, we examine the potential surprises that must exist because we are Star Wars fans and anything less will be a betrayal.

Now that the trailer has dropped for The Mandalorian Season 2, speculation permeates the Nerd-o-sphere like space fleas on a Gundark. What will happen to Baby Yoda? Will Mando get his groove back? Will Jon Favreau abandon Season 1’s love letter to the episodic problem-solvers-on-the-run of the 1980s? Only time will tell, but I have some completely plausible speculative spoilers for you to take to the speculative bank of your choice.

Now that you are finished with your 38th viewing of the trailer, let’s get the tenable–even credible–guesswork underway, in no particular order because they are all correct.

  1. Stone cold lock: Baby Yoda wears a stocking cap. Outlier: cap has a pom-pom.
  2. Put yer damn money down: Jawas will explode. Side bet: Jawas disassemble Carl Weathers for spare parts.
  3. Like Tesla stock (until Elon Musk doxxes the SEC): Nick Nolte makes a secret cameo as a forest planet. More like Home Depot stock (not as profitable but comparably sociopathic): the Way is a multi-level marketing program for health supplements.
  4. Fry-level TAKE MY MONEY: Ahsoka Tano has been in hiding as the sound tech for the Cantina band for thirty years. Bender-level DON’T MIND IF I DO: all other fan service takes the form of hands being severed by lightsabers.
  5. Loser drinks blue milk: Mando tries to cross Baby Yoda with a Wookiee to maximize merchandising potential. Loser drinks hot dog beer: Mando now answers only to “My main Mando.”

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