A little known fact about J.M. Torgo is that he is an ordained High Priest of Argoth’a, Dark Opponent of Creation. It’s a chill gig for the most part, but I like the chanting and the robes have pockets, so at least I have a place to put my phone during the Doomful Rituals of the Turgid One. I set it down on the altar once, and let me tell you, you may think you’ve gotten all the blood out of the charging port, but you haven’t.
I bring this up because we like to watch a movie once once we wipe things down and the Chosen Soul is on its way to the Fields of Eternal Stasis. There’s a Doomful Ritual coming up soon, and we need a good flick to wrap it up. Gotta say, I’m feeling a little Stephen King-y.
There are a lotta choices, though. We could do Pet Semetary (original or reboot), The Dead Zone (original or reboot), Salem’s Lot (original or reboot), The Shining (original or reboot or sequel), Carrie (original or reboot or reboot), Children of the Corn (original or reboot or forthcoming reboot), It (original or reboot or second part of reboot or Indian reboot), or Maximum Overdrive (original or reboot or…)
Wait a second…there’s only one reboot of MaxOD?
How is it that the definitive movie about self-aware, murderous vehicles (sorry, Pixar) does not have a second, etc. reboot?
There are several tantalizing possibilities here:
- Philosophical adaptation: an exploration of the rage of sentience in the Internet era. So maybe like a self-aware Twitter or Uber, which seems pretty obvious, but I’d pay to see Twitter exterminate humanity accompanied by a bitchin’ soundtrack.
- Or maybe killer self-driving ca…no, that would be stupid.
- How ‘bout a straight-up reboot, shot for shot, filled to the brim with Estevez’s. Maybe a Vince Vaughn vehicle (a feature, not a truck–a Vince Vaughn truck would be weird but maybe cool. I don’t know. Thinking out loud now.)
- Contemporary critical reading: an intimate portrait of the people of a rural truckstop, who face the inevitable extinction of a part of American culture, mostly via blunt force trauma and gas pumps that are kinda like snakes that breathe fire.
- Moody 1980s period piece with authentic product placements of vintage forms of modern consumer trash that continue to poison our children and our society.
If it’s not called Maximummer Overdrive, we are going to say that it’s a missed opportunity because they are probably just going to call it Maximum Overdrive. I mean, they called the first reboot Trucks, for Pete’s sake.
Trucks. Let that sink in.
Anyhoo, I think America is ready for Mr. King’s vision of a hostile cargo transport industry as it was meant to be seen.
Again and again and againer.