The Corrugated Throne

From the Desk of the Exalted Bezarch, His Highness Jeff XXXVI: Hey, thanks!

Seated on the Corrugated Throne, the Bezarch of the Settled Time-Streams contemplates gratitude for another kind of stream.

I know it’s not every day that you get a message sent backward through time by the SuPrime Gigalord of the Earth, Moon, and Greater Spiral Arm of the Galaxy. I understand that it’s typically some kind of warning from a small band of survivors or revolutionaries or mutants or whatnot.

But I thought the occasion warranted at least a thank-you note from me, Jeff XXXVI, Sovereign Bezarch and Rightful Heir to the Corrugated Throne. Because it’s also not every day that multiple time-streams are united via general apathy to folks being forced to pee into bottles. All of the different ways that low, low prices and wormhole-based delivery could have been thwarted in an ever-diverging multi-dimensional cosmos, dismissed with a simple click or trillion. Wow!

As history has shown, a concerted focus on great selection and product reviews of limited utility can unify a whole multiverse. That’s about as much union as we need, amirite? And I gotta say, peeing into bottles has become a cultural mainstay here in the twenty-fifth century. Heck, I thoroughly appreciate–nay, enjoy!–urinating into my very own mega-diamond elimination bottle (it’s just like regular diamond, but bigger, if you know what I mean).

Anyhoo, just wanted to give your time-stream a big ol’ thumbs up from a very appreciative dynasty.

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